Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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