Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
