You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
