I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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