She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
