thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
