I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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