a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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