ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
