what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
