Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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