I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
