i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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