I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
