Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
