The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
