Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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