It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
