My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
