yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
