Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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