update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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