tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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