why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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