I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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