sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
