someone threw a dead crab at me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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