I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
