i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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