Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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