Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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