Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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