his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
