Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
