god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got chris browned last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
