Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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