I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
