If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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