Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
