my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
