grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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