she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
