I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
