It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
