I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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