So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
