I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
