where am i from again
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
