I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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