finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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