Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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