I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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