My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
