there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
