mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
