I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
