Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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