On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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