Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
