I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Alive.
So much puke
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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