So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
