NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
even my farts smell like vagina
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't notice because vodka
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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