when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
