he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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