This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
