guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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