You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
