At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
