Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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