I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So much Jack, so little girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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