Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
