Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize