i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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