Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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