my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
