I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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