I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
