we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
